Awesome White Sox vs. Crappy White Sox: A Simulation by Chicago Sports Stuff & Strat-O-Matic
This week, for a change of pace, we gamed out a beatdown.
THE YEAR IS 2005.
In a civil ceremony at Windsor's Guildhall, Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles tie the knot.
The intrepid trio of Steve Chen, Chad Hurley, and Jawed Karim launch a video sharing platform called YouTube.
Mariah Carey’s Grammy-winning album, The Emancipation of Mimi, moves 4,968,606 copies, making it the year’s bestselling record.
And the Chicago White Sox don’t suck.
The 2005 South Siders finished the regular season with 99 wins, then plowed their way through the playoffs, putting together a record of 11-1 en route to the franchise’s third-ever World Series win, its first in 88 years.
To compare and contrast, the 2024 White Sox didn’t win their 11th game until May 10, at which point their record was 11-29.
So ‘05 Sox: Very good.
So ‘24 Sox: Very bad.
To this point, all the Chicago Sports Stuff / Strat-O-Matic simulations have pitted great teams against great teams, or champs against champs, or woulda-coulda-shouldas against shoulda-woulda-couldas.
Today — with the 2025 White Sox sporting a record of 4-13, just two games better than their historically awful 2024 counterparts — we’re going to present some comic relief and see how badly the World Champ Pale Hose would destroy the worst team in MLB history.
Spoiler alert: It went about as expected.
All game recaps courtesy of Strat-O-Matic.
GAME ONE
Keyed by a two-run home run by first baseman Paul Konerko, a four-run third helps ace starter Mark Buehrle and the ‘05ers breeze to the opening game victory.
24’s top pitcher Garrett Crochet doesn’t escape the fourth, as Buerhle pitches into the seventh, allowing eight hits and two runs, while fanning seven.
2005 Chicago White Sox lead series 1-0
GAME TWO
A five-run fifth inning from the ‘24s highlighted by RBI hits from second baseman Tadahito Iguchi, DH A.J. Pierzynski, and third baseman Joe Crede all but puts this one to bed.
Freddie Garcia runs in to some trouble in the sixth for ‘05, but the bullpen trio of Damaso Marte, Neal Cotts and Bobby Jenks brought their best mops to the game, giving up zero earned runs and two combined hits over the final 3 1/3.
2005 Chicago White Sox lead series 2-0
GAME THREE
Jermaine Dye jacks his third dinger in as many contests, a ninth inning insurance run after Jon Garland had put the ‘24s bats into hibernation.
Garland allows just three hits and a run over eight frames, striking out nine. Konerko’s first-inning two run homer is ultimately all the team needs to secure the W.
2005 Chicago White Sox lead series 3-0
GAME FOUR
A two-run third inning — the result of a sacrifice fly by Iguchi and run-scoring wild pitch — ends this one early, as Jose Contreras (six innings, three hits, one run) and three relievers limit the ‘24s to five hits, giving the champs a completely unsurprising sweep.
2005 Chicago White Sox win series 4-0
KEY STATISTICS
2005 White Sox
Tadahito Iguchi .533, 6 RBI, 3 runs
Jermaine Dye .267, 3 HR, 3 RBI
Scott Podsednik .333, 6 runs
Paul Konerko .333, 2 HR, 4 RBI
Jon Garland 1-0, 1.13
Dustin Hermanson 2g, 2 ip, 0.00 ERA, 2 saves
2024 White Sox
Andrew Vaughn .455, 4 RBI
‘24s batting: .198 as a team