Chicago Bears: Bold Predictions for Thursday Night Football
Fifteen games down, two to go! What kind of boldness will permeate the Soldier Field turf when the Monsters host Seattle in their final home tilt of 2024?
FOR A COUPLE OF SEASONS back in the early 2000s — pre-Derrick Rose, pre-Kirk Hinrich — I did a bunch of writing for the Chicago Bulls’ in-house content division. The iteration of the Bulls I covered was historically bad, which made this particular gig — interviewing underachieving players and writing articles that turned them into overachievers — more than a little challenging.
Like how do you make Kevin Ollie seem exciting? How do you make Donyell Marshall worth seven minutes of somebody’s reading time? How do you make Marcus Fizer come off as a competent NBA player? (I’m happy to poop these dudes in a public forum, because Fizer was over two hours late for his interview, Marshall made me wait for 60-plus minutes, and Ollie was straight up surly. Note to all professional athletes: Be nice to us writers. We have long memories.)
By the time April rolled around and the end of the season was in sight, literally every single person who covered the team — from the beat writers, to the broadcasting team, to the freelance marketing dummies like me — was ready and eager for the whole mess to come to an end. And we didn’t hide our feelings.
As things dwindled to a close, we’d spend most games hanging out in the press room and watching other stuff on television, or sitting on press row and discussing real basketball teams. When the year mercifully came to an end, we couldn’t get away from the United Center fast enough.
I imagine that’s the case today in Chicago BearsWorld.
I’m utterly certain that the beat reporters have had it up to here with asking Caleb Williams how it felt to get sacked seven times, or analyzing a play in which three Bears receivers were separated by a single yard, or musing about the competence (or lack thereof) of a given coordinator.
Me, I haven’t had it up to here with making my Bears bold predictions. Granted, if this was a 24-game season — if I had to concoct nine more boldie lists rather than two — it’d be a different story.
But I’m going out happy and strong, so enjoy my penultimate batch of 2024 prognostications.
THIS WILL FINALLY BE THE ROSCHON JOHNSON GAME
This is the fourth boldies column in which I’ve suggested that Chicago’s RB2 will have a breakout performance. I’m zero-for-three, so you’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now.
You’d think. But I didn’t.
Truth be told, there’s no evidence whatsoever to support this one. Last week, Johnson only had one carry, and he’s had 10-or-more hauls in just two of his 10 games this season. His longest run of the year was a nine-yard scamper in Week 2 against the Colts.
But at some point, somebody in the Bears’ building will realize that the team was eliminated from the playoff race, and that D’Andre Swift isn’t the answer, and that it might be a good idea to see is some of the team’s underutilized JV squad — Johnson, Tyler Scott, maybe even Tyson Bagent — is worth a spot on the 2025 roster.
To that end, Johnson will top his season-high in carries and yards, and will find the end zone at least once.
THE CALEB WILLIAMS INTERCEPTION-FREE STREAK SHALL CONTINUE
The Seahawks D has managed just 11 interceptions in 2024, tied for ninth-fewest in the league. Williams hasn’t thrown a pick since October 13th.
A team that doesn’t make interceptions facing a quarterback that doesn’t throw interceptions? Sounds like a recipe for, y’know, no interceptions, so we’ll bask in another pick-free night from Caleb.
CHICAGO LINEBACKERS WILL COMBINE FOR AT LEAST TWO SACKS
The Bears’ newly-anointed D-coordinator Eric Washington is really, really bad at D-coordinating.
During the three games in which Washington has called Chicago’s defensive plays, the Bears have allowed averages of 34 points (yikes) and 418 yards (double yikes), so one would think it’d be silly to predict anything positive coming out of that unit.
But that’s why these things are bold.
So tonight, the tag-team of T.J. Edwards, Treamaine Edmunds, and Jack Sanborn will send ‘Hawks quarterback Geno Smith to the turf on multiple occasions. And the sack dances will be epic.
THE BEARS WILL SET THEIR SEASON-HIGH FOR PENALTIES COMMITTED
The eye test tells us that a goodly number of the Bears’ players are checked out. And in the NFL, checked-out brains — and mediocre coaching, which the Bears have in spades — lead to penalties galore.
The team’s season-high in penalties is seven — they’ve done it three times — but on a cold night, in a meaningless game, at least eight flags will fly, and we’ll hear the phrase, “False start, offense,” way too many times.
THERE WILL BE FISTICUFFS
I’ll guesstimate that there are at least 20 players on the Bears’ roster who still care, and at some point, their frustration will boil over. I can thus envision a late hit on Caleb Williams near the Chicago sideline leading to some push-push-shove-shove action. And, of course, as noted above, the flags will fly.
JAXON SMITH-NJIGBA WILL GO OFF…
JSN has overtaken D.K. Metcalf as Seattle’s WR1, and he’s on his way to becoming a top-ten receiver in this league. He leads Seattle in targets, he’s already topped 1,000 yards, and he’s found the end zone in three of his last five games.
As for the Bears, they’re coming off of a contest in which their D was torched by Detroit’s Jamieson Williams (143 yards, one touchdown), so the Chicago secondary is ripe for the pickin’.
If the weather conditions are in his favor, Smith-Njigba will top nine catches and 140 yards.
…AND SO WILL KENNETH WALKER
If you think the Bears’ defense is lousy against opposing receivers, recall last Sunday’s game in which Detroit’s RB1 Jahmyr Gibbs ran over Chicago to the tune of 109 yards.
For the first time since early November, the shifty Walker is fully healthy, and is likely licking his chops. He’ll put together his first 100-yard outing since Week 1, and if the rain comes as predicted, he’ll go for 130-plus.
COLE KMET WILL LEAD CHICAGO IN RECEPTIONS
Funny thing: The Chicago Bears forgot they had a tight end.
Okay, they didn’t completely forget — over Chicago’s last four games, TE1 Cole Kmet has seen a whopping six combined targets, so they know he actually exists — but the position is far from a priority.
During their short week, I have a hunch that the coaching staff peeked at some early-season box scores and were reminded that on November 24, Kmet grabbed seven of his ten targets, part of the reason Chicago took the high-octane, playoff-bound Vikings to overtime.
Since Williams and Keenan Allen are the only things working on the offensive side of the ball, HC Thomas Brown will mix things up and dial up a bunch of plays for Kmet, who will snatch up eight-plus catches and find the end zone for the second consecutive week.
THOMAS BROWN WILL BE EJECTED FROM THE GAME
Remember about 200 words ago, I suggested that the Bears’ collective frustration will lead to dumb penalties and a fight?
Well, it’ll also lead to an ejection-worthy explosion from Brown, who, since he’ll most likely be coaching his second-to-last game in Chicago, DGAF.
THE BEARS’ LOSING STREAK WILL STILL BE A THING
Seattle will score the majority of its 31 points in the first half. Chicago will score all of its points in the second half, most of them in garbage time.
Same as it ever was.