Shorts, Showers, and Shuffles: The Top 10 Weirdest Moments in Chicago Sports History
Lots of craziness. Not a lot of championships. Welcome to the world of Windy City sports.
SINCE 1900, Chicago’s professional sports franchises have won a combined total of 27 championships. That averages out to 0.21 rings per year.
Since 1900, Chicago’s professional sports franchises have endured hundreds of thousands of freakin’ weird moments. That averages out to 1.43 bizarre-o events per day.
Most of the weirdness consists of simple, everyday sports oddities — the Chicago Bulls’ green St. Patrick’s Day unis, the Chicago Bears inking Mike Glennon to a three-year $45 million contract with $18.5 million guaranteed, that sort of thing — but over the last century-plus, there have been some extra-strange stranger-than-fiction episodes that belong in the main room of Chicago’s Hall of Shame.
Bask in these ten:
10) The Double Doink
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, there was a time when Chicago Bears fans loved themselves some Matt Nagy.
In 2018, despite the fact that Nagy’s go-to offensive skill players were Mitchell Trubisky, Jordan Howard, Taylor Gabriel, and Tarik Cohen, the Bears’ first-year head coach led his team to a 12-4 regular season record, earning himself Coach of the Year honors in the process.
But that was the regular season.
(Side note: I really didn’t want to write the Bears’ brief 2018 playoff run. But even though it triggers a veritable panic attack, I’m putting on my blinders and going for it. Because I’m a pro.)
January 6, 2019 was a reasonable Chicago winter day — 30 degrees, light snow, wind from the west at eight MPH — so the 62,462 folks at Soldier Field were sorta-kinda comfy…especially near the end of the fourth quarter, when, down 16-15, Trubisky drove the offense down the field and gave kicker Cody Parkey a chance to finish off the Philadelphia Eagles with a field goal.
Ahhh, Cody Parkey, a name that shall live forever in Chicago infamy, our very own Scott Norwood.
Parkey was in the midst of a brutal night, having hit an upright on two of his extra point attempts and whiffed on a 33-yard field goal. (If my math is correct, those points could well have sent the Bears to the second round of the playoffs.) But with ten seconds left on the clock and staring down a 43-yard field goal attempt, Nagy had no choice but to give the struggling kicker a shot to win the game.
First came the snap.
Then came the boot.
Then came this conversation in the TV booth:
Al Michaels: It hits the upright again! That's impossible!
Chris Collinsworth: Oh my goodness! The Bears' season's gonna end on a double doink.
Parkey’s miss was so epic, so painful, and so iconic that it garnered its own Wikipedia page.
Okay, I’m having PTSD flashbacks. This section is done.
9) Everything Dennis Rodman Did, Ever
WHEN THE CHICAGO BULLS acquired Dennis Rodman on October 2, 1995, they were well aware that the future Hall of Famer was an All-World goofball. In today’s NBA, the Worm’s tattoos, piercings, theoretical gender fluidity, and dating habits would seem relatively commonplace. But in the mid-’90s, not so much.
To Rodman’s credit, he leaned into his screwball persona. Here are three of Rodman’s wackiest moments as a Chicago Bulls:
January 15, 1996: While hyping his autobiography Bad As I Wanna Be, Rodman rolls into a book signing clad in a wedding dress. When asked why, he explains that he was bisexual and wanted to marry himself.
January 15, 1997: After diving out of bounds in an attempt to save a loose ball, Rodman kicks a cameraman in the softies, angered that the snapper’s presence allegedly kept him from grabbing the rock. For his nut-shot, Rodman is suspended 11 games.
January, 1998: Rodman takes a leave of absence from the Bulls and heads to the most relaxing place in the United States: Las Vegas. Coach Phil Jackson tells the forward he can stay in Sin City for 48 hours. Unsurprisingly, Rodman stays for way more than 48 hours.
But Rodman helped the Bulls win three championships, so we were happy to let Dennis be Dennis.
8) Harry Caray and Jimmy Piersall Rock the Mic
BETWEEN 1977 AND 1981, the Chicago White Sox were the definition of average, posting a combined record of 358-391. But they were still must-watch TV and must-hear radio thanks to the magical throats of play-by-play legend Harry Carry and mercurial color man, Jimmy Piersall.
In retrospect, it might not have been the best idea to pair Caray with Piersall, as the former was an alcoholic and the latter suffered from bipolar disorder. Heartbreaking stuff, for sure, but it certainly made for entertaining broadcasts.
Me, I used to take my transistor radio and tiny earphone to bed so I could listen to Harry and Jimmy rip the Sox, their opponents, the fans, each other, and, most notably, manager Tony LaRussa, who they all but drove out of town.
They don’t make ‘em like that anymore. Nor should they.
7) Comiskey Park Showers
BILL VEECK was among the greatest owners in baseball history. He was funny, approachable, cheerful, and a true original.
He was also one helluva showman, something of which ChatGPT is well aware. In response to the query, “Name some of Bill Veeck's greatest promotional stunts,” our AI pal spewed out:
Eddie Gaedel at Bat (1951): Veeck sent 3'7" Eddie Gaedel to bat for the St. Louis Browns, making him the shortest player in MLB history. Gaedel walked on four pitches due to his tiny strike zone.
Exploding Scoreboard (1959): As owner of the Chicago White Sox, Veeck installed the first-ever exploding scoreboard at Comiskey Park, which would light up and shoot fireworks whenever a White Sox player hit a home run.
Grandstand Manager's Day (1951): Veeck handed out placards to fans, allowing them to vote on managerial decisions during a Browns game. Fans decided on strategies like pitching changes and bunting.
Player Names on Jerseys (1960): Veeck introduced the idea of putting players' names on the backs of their jerseys while with the White Sox, making it easier for fans to identify players.
Bat Day: Veeck popularized Bat Day, where kids attending the game received free baseball bats. This promotion was wildly successful and increased attendance.
Animal Mascots (1950s): Veeck used live animals as mascots to entertain the crowd. For example, he had a mule named "Charlie O" as the mascot for the St. Louis Browns.
Fireworks Nights: Veeck frequently used post-game fireworks displays to draw larger crowds and create a festive atmosphere.
Mardi Gras Night (1951): Veeck organized a Mardi Gras-themed night at a Browns game, complete with a parade, beads, and costumes, to create a lively and unique ballpark experience.
In 1978, Veeck delivered one of his best promotions: Installing working showers in the bleachers. A can of Falstaff beer and a cool splash of water made a trip to Comiskey to watch this meh 71-90 team tolerable.
6) The Chicago Bulls Superfan
BACK IN THE DAY, back in the late-1970s, back when the Bulls played their home games at the fugly Chicago Stadium, there wasn’t much in the way of in-game entertainment. For that matter, as far as I can remember, there was no in-game entertainment — that is, other than a slow-moving iteration of mascot Benny the Bull and a portly gentleman named Jeff Platt who went by the moniker “Superfan.”
Platt’s big move (actually, his only move) was to sprint around the court. That was it. A big dude doing laps. This was how the Bulls kept their fans amused during timeouts and halftime. A slow mascot and a slower sprinter.
Me, I was a pre-teen, so I thought it was hilarious. I’m confident the adult ticket-buyers didn’t.
5) White Sox Short Shorts
AT SOME POINT during the 1976 season, aforementioned wacky Sox owner Bill Veeck came up with the brilliant idea of having his team swap out their perfectly nice black leggings for perfectly strange black shorts.
When asked WTF, Veeck explained, ““We are adding elegance to baseball styles. We may not be the greatest team in baseball, at least not for a few years, but we’ll immediately be the most stylish team in the game.”
On one hand, the shorts were a fantastic idea, as Chicago’s average temperature that summer hovered around 80. On the other hand, it was a ridiculous idea, because who the hell wants to slide into second with bare legs?
The shorts were jettisoned after five games, making them a mere blip in White Sox history. But considering what’s currently going down on the South Side, it feels like the best blip ever.
4) Disco Demolition
THIS JULY 12, 1979 nightmare at Comiskey Park has been discussed ad infinitum, so we’ll pass on a rehash. But to honor of the night Chicago baseball almost died, here are my ten favorite disco songs. Because I loved disco then, and I love disco now, and I don’t care who knows it.
Indeep: “Last Night a DJ Saved My Life”
Van McCoy: “The Hustle”
Bee Gees: “Stayin’ Alive”
Patrice Rushen: “Forget Me Nots”
The Trammps: “Disco Inferno”
Barry White: “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe”
Chic: “Le Freak”
Cheryl Lynn: “Got to Be Real”
The Crusaders: “Street Life”
Donna Summer: “On the Radio”
Send your favorite dance-floor fillers to ChicagoSportsStuff@gmail.com and we’ll aggregate them into the best CSS piece ever.
3) The Super Bowl Shuffle
LIKE DISCO DEMOLITION, the 1985 Chicago Bears’ infamous boast video has been relentlessly covered, so I’ll offer up an Alan-centric anecdote:
In the mid-’80s, in a strip mall on the mean streets of Wilmette, Illinois, sat a shop called Dog Ear Records. I was already a hardcore music nerd, so I spent way too much time diving through their bins.
For the previous few years, I’d paid attention to what new albums were dropping when, so if I knew there was a Billy Joel or an Earth Wind & Fire album hitting the shelves, I’d hit the store in the morning and wait until the UPS driver showed up with the shipment of new arrivals.
The staff thought I was an odd little boy, but whatever.
On December 1, 1985 — two months into the Bears’ magical championship season — The Super Bowl Shuffle hit stores. Now I was as much of a Bears nerd as I was a music nerd, so after school, I toodled over to Dog Ear and waited an hour for UPS to make its drop, then plunked down $19.95 for the tape.
For a video with a single five-minute song and nothing else, 20 bucks was absurd. But I played that thing on a near-daily basis, so I guess I got my money’s work.
2) A Billy Goat Quashes the Cubs
IT’S 1945.
It’s the World Series.
The Chicago Cubs face the Detroit Tigers at Wrigley Field.
It’s game four.
Coming off a 98-win season, the Cubs are heavy favorites.
And this dumbass brings a goat to the stadium.
That’s right, a goat.
William "Billy Goat" Sianis owned the Billy Goat Tavern, a restaurant on 800 W. Addison that offered sorta-chilled beer and overrated burgers. Being that the Tavern was a mere 200 yards from Wrigley, Sianis was a stadium fixture, so when he decided to bring his goat into the barn on October 6, the Cubs brass was like, “Yeah, cool, go for it.”
The rest is Chicago Cubs history.
The Cubbies ended up losing to Detroit in seven, then proceeded to stink for the next 70 years. What came to be known as the Curse of the Billy Goat was broken in 2016, when Chicago won their first championship since 1909.
Sadly, Sianis didn’t live to see the Cubs earn a ring, having passed in 1970.
He did, however, live to see the weirdest moment in Chicago sports history.
Now come with us as we travel back to the year 1969…
1) A Black Cat Quashes the Cubs
THE ‘69 CUBS WERE AWESOME.
Led by d-bag manager Leo Durocher, their offense was deadly. Ernie Banks, Ron Santo, Billy Williams, and Jim Hickman all jacked 20-plus home runs. Santo and Banks combined for 229 RBIs. Williams and Don Kessinger combined for 369 hits.
The pitching staff was equally solid, with Fergie Jenkins, Bill Hands, and Kenny Holtzman combining for 59 wins and a 3.08 ERA.
Balanced. Gritty. Hungry. Ready to end the curse.
Until they weren’t.
On September 8, an adorable little black cat ran onto the field, tiptoeing her way past home plate, stopping right near the Cubs’ on-deck circle.
They say black cats are bad luck, which, apparently, is why the Cubs won just 8 more games that season, while losing 17. Their garbage September performance allowed the New York Mets — who were just seven seasons removed from losing 120 games — to overtake Chicago and earn themselves some championship hardware.
Do we blame the kitty? The billy goat? Banks? Durocher? Dennis Rodman?
We’ll never know exactly how or why the 1969 Cubs imploded, but there’s one thing about which we can be certain: It was freakin’ weird.
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